Shifting from left to right; right to left

June 21, 2009

I’m preparing for my 2nd lecture in LIRA, I haven’t slept well because of the books that I have to scan and the coffee becomes more and more tasteless. I could no longer understand the Nursing books that I’m reading and the short stories in my reading lists were messed inside my head. I can feel my left hand eager to write, even though I’m a right handed. The lady of illusion won’t rotate clockwise or counter clock wise. I can already see the trick clearly. I can make it stop in my head if I want; I can turn it up side down without blinking an eye.

Tomorrow, I’ll have to be in Madaluyong for the three-day duty; then I’ll be back in Manila by Thursday. Friday, I’ll be in the coffee shop, perhaps reading again, perhaps writing, perhaps not. By Saturday I have to attend my morning class with Dr. Tu and right after that I’ll have to go UP for the palihan; then by 5 o’clock I have to go back to the school again for another version of the story…

Regardless, I can feel the exhaustion lingering behind me like a shadow that may be covered by the illness they called stress, insomnia, anorexia… whatever they call it, It’ll simply be as breathing and making your life worth living.

Poetry is a refuge. Nursing is a vocation. Medicine is an art. Art can be science. But how artistic Medicine / Nursing is? How scietific art is?

I can say that Nursing is not an art. I can say Medicine is simply an improved stage of nursing. I can say art is personal representation of intuition. I can say this… just like how I say that religion is a disease and God is an illusion.

 

At week days I have to think like a nurse, a rational being with perfect understand. I have to disregard politics and support religion; I have to give advise to patients with my tongue twisted on one side my fingers slightly knotted. I have to keep my pen in my pocket and eyes focus on the superficial surface of the white linen covering the stained blood from the corpse of an old woman. I have to make the sign of the cross without saying amen, because if I did, I’ll be just another hypocrite carrying the ashes of the crucifix on my forehead professing Jesus’ name without knowing how real reality is.

On Thursday, I’m an activist questioning the professors’ ideologies and totally trying to wipe out his respect, challenging people to think…just a glimpse on this side of paradise….

By Friday, I’m a schizoid, a vagabond, traveling from one place to another, searching for what they’ve been ranting about…

By Saturday, I’m back on business, rescuing my grades and my future while ruining it with the challenges I’ve ventured… I’m a pathetic hopeless dreamer…

By summer before i turned 20, i’ll be gone….just like what the fortune said… I’ll be gone…